every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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