Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
