i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
