shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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