So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Randomize
