my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
