I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
