Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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