better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
