i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
