Christians are straight up FREAKS
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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