Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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