T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
