Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
