Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
