Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
