yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
