i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
