There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
