Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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