what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
