My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
