just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
