I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
