i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
