and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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