Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
