as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
