Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
