so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
