; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
