I am puke
my vag is so smooth its legendary
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
