babies were throwing up all over the place
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
