the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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