I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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