whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I want a musical about memes.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
