you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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