omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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