goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
They took my balls.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
