Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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