So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
