I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
