just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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