I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
