im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Randomize
