shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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