i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
