you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
