Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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