The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
