dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
FUCK WHALES
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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