I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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