so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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