so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
there is puke in my bra ... again
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