he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Even my vagina gasped.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
