If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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