Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
